Greatfellas
Few episodes of Sliders have taken the same long and strange road to the screen as “Greatfellas.” Written from page one by at least three different writers, this script survived the hiatus between seasons one and two and the departure of its original writer. It features a major change after the production draft when the staff realized they couldn’t count on Fox airing the episodes in anything approximating their intended order. It also is the only episode to feature a teaser filmed for a different episode!
We have a whopping seven drafts available to us and at least passing knowledge of a missing eighth. Let’s go!
Writer’s Draft – Sean Clark (9-29-1995)
That date is not a typo. Sean Clark submitted his draft of “Gangster World” way back in September 1995 and it was probably written well before then. For the full details, see Earth Prime's interview with Sean.
For our purposes, let’s look at the pieces that made it into the final product:
- Rembrandt’s double is basically Eliot Ness
- Rembrandt inadvertently takes a bribe from one of the crime families
- Two crime families are merging via wedding
- A final showdown in a warehouse
The things that make it a first season episode are its humor (including an extended “Family Feud” parody), the Oakland Raiders, and yet another man falling instantly for Wade.
Writer’s Draft: Scott Smith Miller
After Clark’s departure, the assignment was passed to Scott Smith Miller and he is given full credit as the writer for this episode. But Miller says virtually none of what aired came from his script; according to him, his draft focused on an expanding empire founded by Bugsy Siegel. “Jacob (Epstein) decided it was not going to fly for us to make the gangsters the descendants of Bugsy Seigel," he said. "Only thing left of mine was the one line about Seigel actually succeeding in this world.”
Alas, we do not have a copy of this script.
Production Draft (March 5, 1996)
So who wrote this? By process of elimination, it would seem likely that Jacob Epstein and Tracy Torme contributed the bulk of this script. We know the teaser is 100% Tormé because it comes directly from “Into the Mystic.” This alternate teaser was written and filmed when Fox was protesting paying off “Luck of the Draw.” Tormé ultimately got his way, but that’s no reason to discard a perfectly good teaser!
This draft plays pretty closely to what we saw on screen with a few caveats, but the most substantial shift involves the identities of the con artists who rob Quinn: Daelin Richards and Dennis McMillan. Introduced in “As Time Goes By”—which had been produced months prior at this point—that episode establishes Daelin as the love of young Quinn’s life and someone he’d go to great lengths to protect, only to be continuously thwarted by her now-boyfriend/husband/partner Dennis. In this script, Daelin is a hustler getting roughed up by her mark. Quinn rescues her from him, only to be attacked and robbed by her jealous husband Dennis outside. If our crew doesn’t get enough guns pointed at them this episode, Dennis puts his to Quinn’s head before pistol whipping him.
When Quinn finds Daelin again, she appears genuinely concerned for him. Alas, Dennis—the eternal screw up—has taken Quinn’s money to the blackjack tables. All of June’s later dialogue here originated with Dennis. Comically, the script notes that if the actor playing Dennis is too expensive, he can be replaced with a generic jerk.
The other element that would eventually disappear is the reason why the mafia families are uniting—they want control of the two states’ nuclear arsenal! How’s that for increased stakes? Each family contains one half of the launch codes of all missiles west of the Rockies. Once merged, they’ll combine codes and secede. “It’s like the break up of the Soviet Union,” Quinn says.
The sorry state of the FBI makes a bit more sense here as we learn Reagan dismantled the federal government. Unfortunately, that part of Biacchi’s attack ad didn’t make it. Arturo remarks that perhaps here Reagan was spared the ravages of Alzheimer’s, but notes in the description call that into question. The Republicans running an infirm old man for high office? Only in a parallel universe, right?
The episode ends on the conversation between the Rembrandts. Quinn asks Leah to find Daelin and give her five grand, which Wade says Daelin will just blow (despite having no interaction with her the entire episode). There are no codas.
1st Blue Revision (March 6, 1996)
There’s a full script pink version in between, but that is likely due to name changes. The Kapstroms are now the Kampelmans and Daelin is now June. Just like that, Daelin’s out, a casualty of unpredictable network schedules. Dennis becomes Sam Match and Joseph Biacchi becomes Joseph Bird.
Bird/Biacchi is now pledging to raise taxes in his campaign ad. In the production draft, that was still political poison.
Rembrandt 2 now arrives by the cheaper bus instead of an expensive flight. This is a gutted FBI, after all.
Some of Arturo’s strenuous objections to getting involved are made more pithy. I should note that the script does not tip its hand as to whether this is the “real” Arturo or not, and if that is driving his refusal to engage.
Joe Bird/Biacchi now meets Wade and Arturo on the street in his limo, instead of in an expensive campaign office.
1st Yellow Revision (March 7, 1996)
This is a full script update because the Kampelmans are finally the Greenfelds. And the Greenfelds are now the Italians and the Gallos become Jewish, because why not subvert expectations? Mel Tormé gets some dialogue at the wedding and the scene plays out as aired. “Rumor has it the groom’s family called up Sinatra—but who cares? We got Mel!”
Dennis McMillan/Sam Match exits the script. He’s not doing anything that June can’t do herself, and the pickpocketing is much smoother.
We get a new scene explaining how Quinn gets to Mel Tormé on stage. The bartender—the one who threatened Quinn with the baseball bat—escorts him to the wings and provides running commentary on Mel’s performance. “He’s good solo, but it ain’t the same since he and Minnie Pearl split up.”
Leah Greenfeld shows up with a list of every corrupt cop and official on the mob payroll; so long, nuclear codes. The end result is the same with the mob families looking to break off from the United States using their combined strength.
Wade and Arturo now voluntarily enter the truck taking them to Greenfeld, thinking Bird is sending them to a safehouse. Before, Tommy Greenfeld just grabbed them off the street.
Now we have a big change toward the final product—this draft introduces the Rembrandt switcheroo. The prior drafts had Rembrandt 2 in the van monitoring the situation, but now he puts himself on the line. It’s a nice upgrade as Rembrandt 2 now goads Greenfeld into revealing Joe Bird’s loyalties as that was the point of the whole exercise.
By this point, we’re pretty close to the final product. But we still have drafts to go.
1st Green Revision (March 8, 1996)
Joe Bird goes back to being Joe Biacchi.
This is a small thing, but it means a lot to me. Quinn’s yell of “No!” after Mel Tormé’s car explodes is now “Mel!! No!”
Our big update for this draft are the two codas: Mel Tormé is alive! And June, John, and the Bartender unite to give a toast to the greatest sucker of them all, Quinn.
2nd White Revision (March 11, 1996)
With all pieces in place, it’s time to punch up dialogue. Lots of pages get hit, but very little of note. Reagan is now running for re-election as governor and all references to Alzheimer’s are dropped. With the nuclear codes off the table, Reagan’s importance is diminished.
We now know the Greenfelds control California and the Gallos have Nevada.
The Bartender, who is now in cahoots with June, no longer escorts Quinn to see Mel, so a new character is thrown in to do it.
2nd Yellow Revision (March 14, 1996)
We’re missing a “full script” update as the Gallos become the DaBellos and Minnie Pearl becomes Dolly Parton.
After Quinn wins at blackjack, a new extended scene is added with June where she proposes they team up to take the casinos. “By the time they got wise, we’d be in Vegas.” I’m actually surprised this arrived so late as the scene reads like it would have been Daelin making this offer.
The dialogue in Mel’s final scene gets tinkered with away from the final dialogue. Guess they think better of it and revert.
The Final Product
The scene of Mel Tormé performing is continuous, because when you have Mel, you’re not going to cut away so some random character can provide commentary (but you can still see that rando standing next to Quinn off stage).
There’s one final change of consequence and that’s how the Sliders arrive. In every script, the wormhole appears behind the chuppa, which blocks view of it. The Sliders get spit out over the altar (remember – this merger is honoring both Jewish and Catholic faiths at once), so they are front and center in breaking up the wedding. On screen, only Rembrandt crashes the wedding, getting fired out of the vortex an incredible distance to maintain the plausibility that no one saw it. (And Jerry O’Connell and Sabrina Lloyd get dunked in a pool. Who did they offend the day of shooting?)
Toss in a few extra slot machines here and there, and that’s a wrap.