"Welcome to the freak show." — Devin.

by Matt Hutaff

Until this week, I'd begun to notice a trend with the third season overall. Odd-numbered episodes like Double Cross, Dead Man Sliding and The Guardian have all been examplary models of what defines Sliders as a series, while the even-numbered episodes have largely been inconsequential filler not worth the time it took to record them.

So I sat with anticipation for "Desert Storm." I'd heard the rumors that actor Ken Steadman had died while filming this episode and thought it must be something worth watching. I'd also heard that the production had considered, if only briefly, not to air the episode because of Steadman's death.

If only they had. "Desert Storm" is not only a poor legacy for an actor, it's also one of the most implausible outtings the series has had to date. And after dreck like The Dream Masters, that's saying a lot.

Is Sliders drifting? Oh, yes. Whereas once the show delved deeply into alternate history (sometimes too deeply, as evidenced by second season's Time Again and World), the new production team seems satisfied with mindless action and broad characterization. Hopefully these kinks get ironed out soon, because episodes like "Desert Storm" should be a rare exception, not the rule.

The premise works like a reverse Waterworld — there's no oceans or water anywhere except for a mythical place called Dryland... er, Aquarius. I say apparently because the maps of the region all show the Great Lakes and the Atlantic, so how North America devolved technologically to something out of Mad Max is beyond my comprehension.

Maybe that's for the best. I noted that Electric Twister Acid Test was bogged down with too much unnecessary alt-history that did nothing to advance the plot, and Matt Dearborn's minimalist story leaves me to ponder everything else about this story that's awful instead of what could possibly dry up the earth's water without destroying humanity.

The Sliders find themselves in another desert region and make their way towards The Sand Pit, an outpost of civilization that not only tolerates slave trade, its system of currency is the old barter system. Tired from the hike and thirsty from the the unforgiving heat, the four try to get some water at a cantina run by Elston Diggs, the bartender previously seen in Double Cross and The Dream Masters. However, belief is suspended when a captive woman named Devin (Gina Phillips) sends psychic pleas for help to Wade, who immediately intuits something is up and demands that the others assist her.

Quinn and Rembrandt ambush the captor Jeremy (Kristofer Linquist) and release Devin, who promptly tells the Sliders that she'll give them all the water they need. Never one to question a loyalty until it's too late, they follow Devin until she is reunited with her lover Cutter (Steadman). Jeremy tracks them and accidentally retrieves Wade instead of Devin, leading to all sorts of problems as the two groups try to reconnect.

Cutter's camp leads to two huge plot problems. One, it turns that not only is Devin psychic, she's a living divining rod. She slips into a trance, clouds form in the atmosphere above her and she points to where people can dig for an underground aquifer. What the clouds have to do with this aside from pointless CGI is unknown, but for me to accept that a chick wearing cutoff jeans can find water on a desert planet I'd have to be smoking some of Humboldt's finest.

Second, and most inexplicably, Wade cruises through the camp chatting up the fact that she's from a parallel world in passing. "On my world," she'll begin a sentence, and Devin (and later Jeremy) doesn't bat an eye. I don't know about you, but this kind of news is shocking, even for a woman who is frequently referred to as a Water Witch. Why even mention this? Just say you're from out of town. Say you're from one of the other settlements on the maps you've seen. Don't casually mention you're from a parallel plane of existence.

Jeremy figures out he's taken the wrong girl and immediately tells Wade he's a good guy sent from long-lost Aquarius to rescue Devin from Cutter, who murdered her father years ago. Without a beat, Wade accepts this as fact because he takes off his shirt and the two joke their way into being discovered by Quinn, Arturo and Rembrandt. The five team up and get Devin back from Cutter using more psychic dribble. The gang then heads to Aquarius, where Devin conveniently realizes the truth and abandons Cutter's lifestyle for good.

Devin learns this through a psychic flashback that only shows how terribly stupid her people are. You see, when you build a hidden, underground society dedicated to hording the last remaining water on Earth, the last thing you should do is leave this place. And yet this is exactly what the Aquarians do, as they're seen milling around in front of the entrance like a bunch of kids hanging out at the entrance to a 7-11 in the summertime. Minutes later, they're all conveniently slaughtered and Cutter abducts Devin.

Interestingly, in the flashback, Devin looks like she's about 10 or 11. Yet we're supposed to believe that watching her father viciously butchered by an axe to the chest is forgotten? I could buy this if she were much younger, but I'd think being kidnapped by your father's murderer wouldn't be so easily dismissed over the course of a few years. I also think that after all the time she's spent with Cutter, watching him kill and pillage, she could be shocked at this revelation. It should be par for the course by this point.

Aquarius, of course, defies all logic. Unless there's some kind of hologram on the top of a biosphere, I'm completely at a loss as to how sunlight gets in. I'm also confused as to how there's a series of waterfalls or why everyone in the colony manages to dress like an extra from "Flashdance" with the color scheme of Slater's wardrobe from Saved By the Bell. Attention: baby blue wife-beaters are not appropriate for men to wear under any circumstance. Maybe the climactic change came right after the release of Miami Vice?

Fortunately, at this point we're treated to some good stuff. Arturo's illness from The Guardian is a recurring issue in this episode, and Quinn begs Arturo to visit the Master Healer that lives in Aquarius. The Healer is a midget, which is always good. Arturo's skepticism is well-intentioned and even the Healer admits that his alcove's ambience is nothing more than show. The Healer comes up with some funny lines and advises Arturo that conventional science isn't always the answer to heal, that the mind is a powerful instrument to help as well. I like Arturo's stubborness, and that he's less concerned about his death than Quinn. These touches are the saving grace of the show, but they're lost in the shuffle between dune buggies and second-rate CGI.

The ending, however, boggles me with its contrivance. With a few minutes to spare before sliding, the Sliders forgo sliding from this underground paradise and elect to return to the surface. They're attacked right away by Cutter, and while they get back underground, so does Cutter. Devin wraps up that loose plot thread by wiping Cutter's memory of Aquarius right before the slide.

Why go back to the surface? It's poor, sloppy writing that serves no purpose except to manufacture conflict, something we've been seeing a lot of lately.

"Desert Storm" is thoroughly unwatchable. Even if the rest of the episode was four-star caliber, the acting of Cutter's Def Leppard reject Wolf makes me want to claw out my eyes and ears with frustration.

Poor Ken Steadman. A fitting legacy, indeed.